A friend of mine sent these to me.
Doctors' notes
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to
have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed
out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to
take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there
were several cabs - and I was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on
an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior
chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used
to be," remorsed the patient.
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told
a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial
infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her
reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a
"massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual
acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart
and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He
read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a
flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence.
He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I
turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had
asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered.
I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with
his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was
having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?"
I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one
every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!"
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I
wouldn't see . . . Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his
body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch
before applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,
"How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of
complete confusion she answered... "Why, not for about
twenty years - when my husband was alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So
how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except
for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste"
the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the
woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young
woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk,
sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing,
entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute
appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table,
the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green,
and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass."
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short
note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow
the lawn."
and finally..
A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite
embarrassed performing female pelvic exams To cover
his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit
of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom he
was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing
and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work
and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She
replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was,
"I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
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Falara 64 Paladin
Medicinnewmn 66 Cleric
Beautyy 52 Druid
Ketten 56 beastlord
Last edited by Tigress1979 on Wed Mar 02, 2005 3:36 pm; edited 1 time in total |
