Humorous AAs
9/7/04, 11:54 PST | Kwill
These are not real Alternate Advancement abilities, but they are good for a snort-pop-out-the nose laugh for a couple of them! Very funny post that I can't seem to find an original author for, so I will credit ODN Steps for posting them where I could see them and Cusashorn from the EQLive forums for posting them there. I know some of you would rush out to buy the expansion for just one or two of these, but it's not going to happen. Enjoy!
All Classes:
Cohesion of the Lost: This ability enhances the entertainment you get from scrolling through an Adventure Merchant’s wares, enabling you to wait longer for that 6th person to log in and put up LFG.
Comprehension of the Lost: This ability allows you to understand how a person can say OMW or BRT, then take forty-seven minutes to get from PoK to Ruj camp in EC. The highest rank of this creates a detailed log of their movements to the bank, then KEI hunting, then tribute master, then a few minutes in Paineel for no easily acceptable reason before finally getting to EC by way of Western Wastes because “that’s where their bind was.”
Vengeance of the Lost: This ability allows you to damage the Adventure Recruiter. The second rank of this ability allows you to be very specific about the location of the damage.
Bard:
Enhanced Ego: Automatically announces to all public channels every 30 minutes, reminding them of how much better bards are than every other class. Further levels in this ability decreases the time between reminders.
Illusion: Road Runner: We know you want it. You’ll wear it all the time. Forget dyes. Nobody’s ever going to see your armor again. Second rank allows you to make the “Meep Meep” sound.
Twisting Mastery: This ability allows the Bard to automatically twist a set order of songs, saving their wrist from crippling pain after hours of play.
Beastlord:
Small Companion: This ability shrinks the Beastlord's warder to the size of a willow-wisp, making them slightly easier to move and target around.
Berserker:
Warrior Spirit: Transforms the Berserker into a warrior for a short time, rendering them somewhat useful to groups and raids.
Cleric:
Divine Hammer of Rightousness: Summons a weapon for the cleric to use to further convince them they are a melee class.
Cult of Personality: This ability surrounds you in an aura of divinity. Weak-willed players who pass within range will realize you are their true conduit to the EQ god. People thus affected will log in every night with no other purpose then to sing your praises and bring you converts. They will lvl grind only when you are in a zone they cannot reach, and will loot only wax flowers to sell in the Nexus.
Enchanter:
Frenzied Mesmerization: Refreshes the mesmerization spell on a single target every 6 seconds whenever a necromancer throws a damaging spell on it before assist is called.
Illusion Uselessness: This ability causes the enchanter to appear on /who lists as a level 23 monk, reducing unwanted requests for buffs.
Magician:
Traveling Merchant: This ability allows the Magician to become a merchant, allowing players to right-click them and purchase summoned goods at will.
Reality Check: This ability, when activated, allows you to remember, with crystal clarity what you went through to get your first epic, thereby protecting you from going after the second one.
Monk:
Dramatic Feign: Causes the monk to feign death more dramatically, clutching fake wounds, kneeling down, groaning, and the like.
Quad-Strike: Allows the monk the chance to perform a quadruple strike, actually giving them some decent damage output from those 100 / 20 weapons.
Necromancer:
Go Ahead and Take It: When activated, this ability distributes all of the mana in the Necromancer's mana pool evenly among the clerics, because you both know they're going to need it anyway. The first level of this ability effects clerics in the Necromancer's group. The second level effects the entire raid.
Cult of the Dead: Similar to Cult of Personality, Cult of the Dead supplies followers with drugs, banners and a tour bus.
Paladin:
Informative Root: This is a passive ability that allows group members to see when the Paladin's root spell has worn off, similar to the awakening messages in the Mesmerization line of spells. This allows the group members to know when more creatures will be 'wandering' into the camp mid-fight.
Holier Steed:This ability summons the Paladin's Holy Steed with full battle armor and a big lance, because Paladins like shiny things.
Ranger:
Enhanced Speed Bump: This ability causes the ranger to create an additional corpse when they die to further slow down the movement of the creature they were attacking.
Catapult: Automatically fires the corpse of the ranger at the creature they were attacking when they died, dealing damage equal to one hundred times the number of seconds they survived the fight. Does not stack with Enhanced Speed Bump.
Perplexing Corpse: Causes the ranger to appear as a corpse, confusing the creature as to how they died so quickly, stunning them for 6 seconds. This effect works on creatures up to level 70.
Daily Affirmation: This ability provides you with a reminder every time you log in that people will invite a ranger before they’ll invite a berserker.
Rogue:
Professionalism: This ability allows rogues to not only drag corpses but dispose of them as well.
Shadowknight:
Efficient Buffs: Allows all the debuffs recourses that add unnoticably small benefits to be condensed into one buff icon, saving the group from having four enchantments on them that they have no idea what they do.
Warrior:
Crippling Taunt: Causes the warrior to pass gas in front of the creature they have on target, causing intense hatred and damage to the creature every 6 seconds for 0:00:30.
Wizard:
Critical Attention: Causes Critical Blasts performed by the wizard to appear in red text on everyone's screen, regardless of their filter settings. This saves the wizards from typing "OMG did you see that one?" every blast.
Flamer Sword of Xuzl: This ability makes the wizard's flaming sword pets appear with pink particles and ribbons surrounding them, eliminating the need for 3 people every raid to make the same "flaming" jokes.
Druids:
Feral Nature Walker: Enhances the druid's summoned Nature Walker, transforming them into the form of a cuddly snow bunny. This ability grants increased strength, attack, and hit points for a short time.
Emergency Recall: Immediately transports the druid's group to their previous location before they were accidently evacuated by an improperly placed hotkey.
Shaman:
Pound Puppies: Each level of this ability calls forth an additional spirit companion to the aid of the Shaman, and changes their names from Playername`s Pet to more appropriate names such as Spots, Patches, and Mr. Mittens.
Healing of Tngargrekaag: Heals the group of the shaman for an insignificant amount of hit points at the cost of an inefficiently high amount of mana, but it has a funny name so you'll use it anyway.
Bards, Monks, Shadowknights:
Right of Refusal: This ability, when activated, will make it impossible for anybody to heal you. Higher ranks of this ability will prevent healing even when they really really really want to.
Right of Way: This ability, when activated, increases the chance that an aggroed mob will path in a logical manner.
Riiiigggghhttt: This ability will allow you to believe that the Right of Way AA would actually work.
Druids/Shaman:
Stupid Pet Tricks: This ability allows pets to be summoned with jokes written on their sides.
Enchanters, Magicians, Necromancers, Wizards:
True Perspective: This ability alters the angle of the first person point of view on the monitor so that you’re always looking down your nose at the baser classes that are too stupid to master the art of magic.
Group/Raid Leadership:
Helpful Reminder: This ability allows you to send a tell to a targeted player that appears on their screen like the Microsoft Paperclip holding a memo explaining exactly why they keep getting summoned.
Raid Leadership:
Fluffy’s Armageddon: This ability, when activated, instantly kills every single pet controlled by a raid member. The second rank of this ability leaves one pet alive to spread the word.
Illuminate Interface: This is a greatly enhanced version of the raid building tool. In addition to locking and unlocking a raid, moving people from group to group, playing with your guildies like they’re tiles in a turn-based-strategy game, the Illuminate Interface allows you to lock and unlock their doors, control their household appliances, and change their stereo presets. Higher ranks of this ability gives access to bank accounts, credit information, and allows you to create or delete files in the CIA database. After a short learning curve, you will have trained your guild members when to log in and log off. You can have them deported or extradited if the time zone in which they live is inconvenient. The final rank of this ability gives you complete and autonomous control of all world military operations, eliminating the possibility of key raiders being AFK for something as trivial as a WAR!!!
_________________
Yeah I Know, I couldn't hit the broadside of
a barn with a map, compass, and a tour guide.
Varthon 68 Paladin(Retired)
Faedran 51 Shadow Knight(Retired)
Varthon Fireheart 42 Wizard(Retired) (Fennin Ro)
Nohtrav 30 Monk(Retired) |
