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Here is a story me and a friend are working on.

 
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Kimaru Okada
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Joined: 05 Jan 2002
Posts: 79

PostPosted: Thu Sep 04, 2003 1:02 pm    Post subject: Here is a story me and a friend are working on.

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I hope some of you enjoy it.. been working abit on it but not sure how well its comming up.. the end of this part is kindof bad and will be changed but tell me what you all think thanks

Kimaru


Untitled (as of now)
A Gremantle Studios Production
in Association with Kimaru
(c) 2003
The darkness surrounding him was complete; light did not exist here, although there was lighting from the astral fires that burned inside every corridor wall. The daemon slithered against the wall as a superior ranked demon passed him, a snarl on the superior's face. The daemon hated his posistion here in the hells, but there was nothing he could do to advance himself. Demonism, the Gods ever watchful spirit town on the outskirts of the Hells, held them inside. Was it going to change? "That's not yours to know." He had always been told by the Barons, and always he followed by a growl of anger. He rounded a corner to the central hall, inaccessable by their human slaves who had been sent to the Hells. The lighting was calmer here, though less bright. In the center of the enourmous cavern was set a glowing crater, raised from the floor and small sparks always emitting form it. The daemon approached cautiously, but his footfalls were easily heard by his Lord.
"Daemon, have you prepared?" Came a deep boom from the crater's mouth. The daemon jumped, his claws extended in fright.
"Yes master, I have prepared." He answered meekly, trying to keep from whimpering in his terror.
"Have the Baron's prepared?"
"Yes master." He eeked out, nodding.
"Then the charge begins tonight." The voice resounded. The daemon looked up.
"What charge, Lord?" He asked in puzzlement.
"The attack against Demonism. We take the fortress tonight and daemons like yourself will lead the charge."
The daemon looked up in shock. "We Lord?"
"Did I studder slave?" The demon Lord asked in amusment.
"No Lord." The daemon said in sudden chastisement, his eyes moving to the ground.
"Alert all demons under you, we attack soon."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I don't believe it. The Gods would not allow such things to roam." The Elder slammed his fist on the table, making all the glasses set on it shake a little. His skin shone, blazing red and partially obscured by his cloak. The room was pitch black, the fire across suddenly put out by the spirit in the room that moved and darted with ease.
Nevertheless, the attack is coming soon. The voice sounded in the Elder's dragon head. No matter what the Gods may have decreed, you will no longer have only devils to fight. Devils are obsolete, and the Hells are moving.
"But half-human demons?!" The Elder cried out in disbelief. "No such thing can exist in this world!"
Not yet. The voice reminded. They are not here, but will arrive very soon.
"When?" The Elder asked softly. "And how can we defend ourselves?"
Now. The spirit stated simply. They come now, and you cannot defend yourselves.
The fireplace lit up with a sudden flame as the spirit left, still unidentified. The Elder sighed, his age starting to wear on his bones and opened the massive door to his private meeting room to call a final counsel of the city of Praxtin.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The daemon relaxed, clicking his clawtips against one another as the last remnants were cleaned up from the Angel city of Demonism. The city was taken and now all the evil residing in the Hells was free to move as it pleased, at least until Demonism was retaken. The daemon turned to look at his small band of demons he was commander over and smiled, his throat moving slightly as he readied to speak.
"Follow me. There is one more city to take before the Gods strike here." He said, his voice shaky and raspy. The demons crawled over each other like snakes, their eyes fixed on their master and their skins bright yellow and glowing. They rose to their feet and crawled after the daemon as he made his way to the breach between the human and spirit world, the Grey.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Elder looked out across his counsel of equally senior dragons, all wearing elaborate clothes of amazing colors, some bearing battle scars that they wore with the same pride as their superficial clothing. The Elder rose to his feet, his legs shaky and not helped by the news he bore.
"Counsel, Praxtin is in grave danger." He began. "I was visited by a spirit this morning in my private meeting room. It told me that devils are being removed from the field of battle and replaced by something far more sinister."
Chattering met his statement as the other Counsel members tried to sort out the information. The Elder held up his hands to silence them.
"The spirit has told me these new creatures go about as half-human, half-demon reincarnations..."
A sudden uproar met his speech as the other Elders screamed out in rage, all saying that "such a thing is preposterous".
The Master Elder held his arms up again and yelled over the din of noise for silence. Slowly the noise ceased and he continued.
"Nevertheless, the birth of the silverblues cannot be coincidence. Some of you have hailed the birth as an omen, others as a blessing. I believe we are blessed by these silverblues and must train them up in our ways-"
"They are a hailing of our destruction!" An Elder yelled. "How do we know these silverblues are not here to attract this evil, like a scent to the dogs?"
"I am quite certain." The Master Elder stated simply.
"How?"
"My kin. Do not let these pup’s scales cloud your minds. They have a destiny as we all do. Born different from our kind yet they are the same as you and me. They could even posses powers we do not know of. We all know that the demons are working their way around the lands, killing humans and dragons alike. We have lost many of our kin with their waves of attacks, but they still come in force. We must train these 2 pups in hopes they can help defend the town. I know for sure they have a special ability not of this world, as to why they have acquired it I do not know. But they may be our only hope to survive."
"Fine speech, but how-" An Elder said before being interrupted by a coughing fit. "-how can you prove it?"
The Master Elder thought about that for a moment before he sighed and whispered his answer. "I can't. You must all trust me."
"A fine mess we are all in Master Elder. Do you even know the name of this spirit who visited you?" A voice asked from somewhere in the counsel.
"No and I do not need to know. I am-" The Master Elder grunted. "I am quite sure of this spirit's integrety."
"You had better be right."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Kimaru, have you felt anything in the past few days?" Rathin asked, his eyes scanning their town. "I feel something strange is coming."
Kimaru scritched his silver-blue scales as a bug bite started to itch. "Not really brother. What does it feel like? Devils?"
Rathin shook his head, his eyes still fixed on the furthest side of the villiage. "Not devils, something...else."
"Well the Master Elder did say we were endowed with 'a special ability not of this world'." Kimaru laughed, shaking his head. "I can't believe you still believe that..."
"Hush Kimaru! I've felt something every time devils attack and now the feeling has intensified." Rathin scolded. Kimaru sighed.
"But there's nothing. The scouts would have alerted the city if anything was approaching."
"I have a feeling they've missed something, but I don't know what it is." Rathin breathed. Kimaru yanked on his older brother's arm.
"C'mon Rathin, let's go back into town. I need to talk to mother."
Rathin took a deep breath and followed his brother back to the crest of the hill leaping off after him and taking flight, his dragon wings propelling him easily though the air currents. The feeling returned. The feeling that something worse than a thousand devils was approaching and they were helpless to stop it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When they reached the edge of Praxtin, the sun had already sunk behind the horizon and was casting fingers of yellow light across the sky as it set. Stars appeared in the eastern sky as the sun's rays failed to affect them and the world slowly sank into the night. Kimaru felt like his heart was going to fall out of his chest as he came closer to his beloved city, a feeling of dread coming over him. He looked back at Rathin, the same look of terror in his eyes as they looked at the city. Kimaru turned to see a small guard hut on the far end of town burst into flames, it's light revealing the source of their feeling of dread: several dead bodies lay scattered about the ground, their blood still gushing from their veins. Kimaru dropped his wings to his sides and dove for the ground, his brother following.
When they landed, their ears were pierced by the screams of the dying and the war cries of a creature they did not recognize. Rathin drew a short dagger from his belt and drew his younger brother closer to him to protect him.
"We have to find the Master Elder." Rathin whispered in his brother's ear, keeping out of sight and moving through the town. He suddenly dropped to the ground and listened as footsteps approached. He jumped to his feet as the figure rounded the corner, cluching his chest in pain. Rathin lowered his knife.
"Master Elder, what has happened?" Rathin yelled over the screams and noise. "Who did this? Where are our parents?"
"Mother! Father! Where are you?!" Kimaru screamed, his eyes tearing up. Rathin quickly pulled his histerical brother closer to him to silence his screams.
"The demons and not demons..." The Elder spat blood on the ground as he spoke. They caught us unprepared, your parents have died." The Elder coughed violently, pints of blood spilling from his effort. "I am...sorry."
Kimaru looked up, his voice weak. "Father and mother? Both of them?"
"I am sorry young ones." The Elder collapsed into Rathin's arms. "You must...leave here. Rathin, take Kimaru away with you. You seem to be...the only two left from this c-"
The Elder gasped out in pain as a broad tipped spear pierces his chest, coming within inches of Rathin's chin. Rathin turned and took flight, holding his weeping brother to his chest as he flew, his own tears hard to control. Their homeland burned behind them, sending a sickening smell to their nostrils as flesh joined the smells. Rathin felt the feeling return more strongly and before he could react, his left wing was impaled by dozens of arrows, sending him falling earthward, and Kimaru slipping from his arms. Rathin screamed for the both of them as he saw his brother fall towards a stream and he lost conciousness, impacting the ground at high speed.
Kimaru crawled out of the freezing cold water to a hedge of thick bushes, looking for his brother, but flying demons floated above him and threatened with astral eyes to penetrate his slight cover. He turned and ran into the night, all hope fading from his body.
~To Be Continued~

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Kimaru Okada
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Joined: 05 Jan 2002
Posts: 79

PostPosted: Sun Sep 07, 2003 11:39 pm    Post subject:

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if somone could give me any critics on it would be greatful.. trying to get this story and most of the problems worked out of it.. so I could get it all done.. and see if I can get it published near my town.. just a thought and thanks

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