"As you wish, your Excellence." Fright sighed, and motioned for them to follow him through the ranks of amy knights.
"Aren't we getting a bit dramatic?" Whizbang said quietly, eyebrow arched. "Rabid gnomes?"
"Go with it." River replied, striding foreward. "I never claimed I was an actor."
And they disappeared in the home of Cazic Thule.
"Um, Boss, Innoruuk is here." Fright said from within the room he disappeared into.
(A long uncomfortable pause)
Speilburg: Cut, where the hell is Tyson?
Assistant: (apologetically) Mike got arrested last night punching out an orc.
Speilburg: Arrested? Who the hell is going to play Cazic?
Richard Simmons: Oooh! Oooh! Does this mean I'm on?
Speilburg: Sigh, get the understudy into makeup please.
Richard Simmons: Fabulous!
*** *** ***
"Visitors? So soon? Blast them, they're early! I didn't expect the new guild applicants till noon!" A crash of a chest being closed, then some more noise, something falling to the floor, followed by a lot of somethings falling to the floor, a string of colorful gnomish curses, and small feet pounding up wooden stairs.
And that was just the beginning of his entrance.
"I am Whizbang Dustyboots, dragon sorcerous of the third rank, Baron of the Gnomescale Hills and ..."
Whizbang: Sorry, I screwed that up, can we roll again?
Speilburg: Sigh, roll em again. Action!
And that was just the beginning of his entrance.
"I am Whizbang Dustyboobs, gnomish sorcerer...."
Pedi bursts out laughing.
Whizbang: What? What I say?
Speilburg: AGAIN. Action!
"I am Whizbang Dustyboots, gnomish sorcerer of the third rank, Baron of the Scourge of the Teir One...."
Speilburg: Cut! What do you think we're working with, Whizbang, the budget of Lord of the Rings?
Whizbang: Sorry sorry.
Speilburg: Action!
"I am Whizbong Dustybooks, Gnollish sauciest..."
Whizbang: Who the fu(BLEEP) wrote this sh(BLEEP)???!
*** *** ***
Speilburg: Ok, let's get this scene rolling, Tremas, drag in Akethadar from the right and...where's the monk?
Aamedor: Sec sec I have to really rezz him, Ake prepped for the scene by telling mother jokes to Fright until he deathtouched him.
Speilburg: (muttering) Damned method actors....
*** *** ***
Speilburg: Ok, Erollisi, you look great, just the right touch of slutty look. Now River, she's got you pinned up...now where is the prima donna?
(River and Camille enter hurriedly from a side room, Camille buttoning the top of her shirt, and River realizing too late his fly is undone. He zips up quickly and offers a weak smile.)
Camille: (getting into the bed) Sorry, we just haven't seen each other since this shoot began...
Speilburg: Just go to sleep. Sigh. Ok, Action!
"Every woman has the power to strip a man of his armor." Erollisi laughed melodically. "I just have a more physical power."
Her eyes roamed over him, stopping below the waist. "My my, sir." she purred, "Is that an....ogre war maul in your pocket?" Her eyebrow raised in surprise. "Or are you just happy to see me?"
River's face flushed red in embarrassment as he realized his body was responding to her charms.
Erollisi: (glancing down in disgust) This is never going to work...
Riverdane: Sorry sorry, it had just been so long....give me fifteen minutes, ten tops...
Speilburg: We don't HAVE fifteen minutes!
Riverdane: Alright, anyone have an ogre war maul? Anyone?
/snickers
*** *** ***
"That was very brave of you, saving me like that, Whiz." Pedi said with a shy smile.
"You're my woman," Whizbang said, cheeks flushing red. "It's my job. Now let's go home." And he walked off, the scowl on face an obvious ruse to hide his pleasure.
"Pedi," Verdad said quietly, watching Whizbang march off, "You're a cleric. Why didn't you just Divine Aura when you jumped? You would have landed saf..."
Pedi suddenly headbutts Verdad hard in the crotch. Verdad drops like a rock, hands locked between his legs moaning helpless on the floor.
Speilburg: Pedi, WTF? It says right here in the script you kick him to the shin, not headbutt him in the nuts!
Pedi: (To Verdad rolling on the ground, ignoring Speilburg) And THAT'S for hitting on me in the dressroom, perv!
Speilburg: Take five and only five! CC needs the pit in twenty minutes for a raid....and get loverboy an icepack.
*** *** ***
"River..." Vven began.
"Yes?"
"You were a lousy god." Vven laughed.
"I know." River agreed, bemused.
"It is against your nature." Vven said. "Go follow your nature and make babies with your woman or something."
"That's not a bad idea at all, inky." River agreed. "Thank you for...well, thank you." He sat there on Brimstone's back looking down at Vven.
"I'm still not gunna kiss you." Vven said, waving.
"Right." River said. "Brimstone, to Freeport."
And Hate, Innoruuk and Vven began to shimmer from view...
....when suddenly, Innoruuk and Vven pull out top hats, and catch canes thrown to them from the wings. Each smiles brightly for the camera, as a line of scanitly clad spite golems come out, legs swinging in a kickline, as the lights flash on and off. A full orchestra begins playing a bright cheerful song, and Innoruuk and Vven begin singing in perfect harmony.
Vven and Innoruuk:
WE'RE SO GLAD YOU ENJOYED THE SHOW
WE'RE SO SAD THAT YOU HAD TO GO
Innoruuk:
HE'S VVEN, RIGHT HAND TO INNORUUK,
Vven:
HE'S INNY, AND AIN'T HE TEH SUCK!
Speilburg: CUT WTF IS GOING ON?
Vven: Sorry, Big S, me and Inny here were talking and we thought a musical number would brighten up the show...
Innoruuk: I used to sing a little in college...
Vven: And musicals sell! This could be the next Grease II!
Speilburg: (Marching off) I knew I should have accepted that offer to direct Son of Shrek.
Vven: (Calling after him) What, you didn't like the dancing spites?
Innoruuk: Keep rolling! LIFT those legs ladies! 
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