Stupid joke of the day, feel free to add your own!

[Crymea]

Jeez, guys! I know there's more funny out there, step up and show it!

The Argument.

A man and a woman were having a huge fight. After hours of fighting, the woman got so fed up that she said to her husband, "You're a complete schmuck."

She continued, "If ever there was a person who could be classified as a schmuck, it would be you. If our city had a contest to be a schmuck, no wait, if our state of California needed a representative to be the biggest schmuck there ever was... no, if the United States could pick someone to be the national schmuck of the century... perhaps if the international community had a contest to find out who would be the world reknowned biggest schmuck in the history of time, and you were a contestant, you'd come in second place!"

The husband looked at his wife with a puzzled expression, and said, "Why would I come in second place?"

She responded wryly, "Because you're a schmuck."
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Crymea says, "No tail, no sale."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."

[bandin]

Two cannibals are eating a clown.

One turns to the other and says, "Does this taste funny to you?"
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Bandin

These Linux guys never cease to amuse. Here is the timeout message from ftp:

421 Timeout - try typing a little faster next time

[kelci]

I don't do funny.

I am a serious guy.








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Kelci

[bandin]

ROFLMAO

Good one Kel!!
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Bandin

These Linux guys never cease to amuse. Here is the timeout message from ftp:

421 Timeout - try typing a little faster next time

[Crymea]

Fishing License

A couple of young fellows were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track, when out of the bushes jumped the Game Warden. Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like the proverbial bat out of hell, and hot on his heels ran the Game Warden. After about a half mile, the boy stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs, whooping and heaving to catch his breath as the Game Warden finally caught up to him.

"Let's see yer fishin' license, boy," the Warden gasped. The boy pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license.

"Well, son", snarled the Game Warden, "You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You didn't have to run if you have a license!"

"Yes, sir," replied the man, "but, well, see, my friend back there, he don't have one!"
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Crymea says, "No tail, no sale."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."

[Mildane]

I like that one. That falls along the lines of something me and my friends would do.
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- Epic stick figure -

[Crymea]

At the Pharmacy

A lady walks into the drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic. "Ma'am," the pharmacist asked, "what do you want with arsenic?"

She looked at the pharmacist, and replied matter-of-factly, "To kill my husband."

"I can't sell you arsenic to kill a person!" exclaimed the pharmacist.

The lady looks at him, and lays down a photo of a man and a woman in a compromising position. The man was her husband, and the woman was the pharmacist's wife.

He takes the photo, and nods. "Oh! I didn't realize you had a prescription!"
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Crymea says, "No tail, no sale."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."

[kraazd]

True Story - One of the Supervisors calls me from her cell (was already at work and I didn't know it) and says "I'm gonna have to call out. The Doctor says I got Anal Glaucoma." I was dead silent for a few seconds and finally inquired..."ummmm, surely you're kidding....what's anal glaucoma?" She replied - "I can't see my ass coming to work tonight!"
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Kraazd - 75 Warrior
Born of Maelin Stapyre to play with children of Vazaelle.

[kraazd]

Boudreaux and his wife Clotille was sittin at da table an Clotille, she aks Boudreaux, Boudreaux, If I was ta die tomorra, and you gots remarried, wood you lets yous new wife cook wit ma pots an pans? Boudreaux says, Mais yea, I gotta eat! Clotille den aks, would you let yous new wife fish wit ma fishin pole? Boudreux again replies, Mais Yea, I gotta have a fishin patna. Den Clotille, she say, Boudreaux, wood you lets yous new wife go golfin wit ma golfin clubs? And Boudreaux says, Mais NO! She's left handed!
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Kraazd - 75 Warrior
Born of Maelin Stapyre to play with children of Vazaelle.

[Crymea]

A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this."

"What's the problem?" the docotor inquired.

"Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away."

"My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun person, and an attractive person. But say it with real conviction. Within a week you'll have women buzzing all around you."

The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office a bit excited. Three weeks later he returned with the same downtrodden expression on his face.

"Did my advice not work?" asked the doctor.

"It worked alright. For the past several weeks I've enjoyed some of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking women."

"So, what's your problem?"

"I don't have a problem," the man replied. "My wife does."
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Crymea says, "No tail, no sale."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."

[Crymea]

OK... time for a REALLY stupid joke...

Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

A: It was dead!
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Crymea says, "No tail, no sale."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."

[Crymea]

You slackers! Here's another:

A man was kneeling by a grave in a cemetery, crying and praying very loudly, "Oh why..eeeee did you die...eeeeee, Oh Why..eeeeee, why did you Di......eeee"

A caretaker walked up, pardoned himself and asked politely, "Excuse me, sir, but I've been seeing you for hours now, carrying on at this grave. You must have been very close to the deceased."

The man looked back and replied, "No, I never met him. Oh why....eeeee did you dieeeeee, why....eeeee did you.."

The caretaker was puzzled, and asked, "Sir, you say you never met this person, yet you carry on so? Tell me, who is buried here?"

The man lamented, "My wife's first husband."
_________________
Crymea says, "No tail, no sale."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."

[kelci]

^^^^^
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Kelci