Stupid joke of the day, feel free to add your own!

[Crymea]

OK, need more funny here...

Not really a joke, more of a classic line.

"I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lebotomy!"

Truer words rarely have been spoken.
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Crymea says, "No tail, no sale."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."

[Rauri]

Hmmm, I like this subject!! I've been dueled over my jokes in game, let's hope they go over better here!

~~~~~
Did you hear Snap, Crackle and Pop were found dead?

They suspect a cereal killer!

~~~~~
Why does Peter Pan always fly?

Because he can Never Never Land

~~~~~
If you are an American in the kitchen, what are you in the bathroom?

European

~~~~~
A man lost his job and went to a job placement service. The recruiter there told him, "We don't have any work for you now, but as soon as a job is available we will call you. In the meantime, we will pay you $1,000 a week so you can get by."

The man was pleased, though somewhat uncomfortable, because that was a lot of money to do nothing, and he was a hard working fellow. So he agreed, and waited. A week went by, he got a check for $1,000 but no phone call. Another week passed, he received another check but still no call. Another week, another check, still no call. The hard working man was getting anxious!!

Finally, the job placement service called. The man was told to report to the city zoo the next morning, that the zookeeper had work for him. The man, wanting to make a good impression, got there bright and early to find the zookeeper nervous and pacing.

"Ah, you must be the man from the placement service" he said. "I've got an ...unusual... job for you. Our gorilla just died and a bus full of school students will be here this morning for a field trip. They have really been looking forward to seeing the gorilla and I don't want to disappoint them. I'd like you to put on a gorilla suit and act like a gorilla for the day."

The man was taken aback by the unusual request, but he had already been paid a lot of money to do nothing and he wanted to do the right thing so he agreed, put on the gorilla suit and went to the gorilla pen. He began "monkeying around" trying to get into his role. In particular, he liked the tire swing. He began swinging higher and higher, overcome by the moment. Tragically, his grip on the swing slipped and he flew out of the gorilla pen and landed right in the middle of the lion pen!

Frightened for his life, the man in the gorilla suit jumped up and began yelling "Help! Help!" when the lion turned to him and said, "Shut up, you fool, or we'll both lose our jobs!"

~~~~~
Best regards,
_________________
Rauri Breathnach

Cleric of Brell

[Hahlador]

Zoo =
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Hahlador Fierceblade

[Crymea]

You know what you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney?

An offer you can't understand.
_________________
Crymea says, "No tail, no sale."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."

[Crymea]

I don't know why, but I love this...

To prove that horses have an infinite number of legs:

(1) Horses have an even number of legs.
(2) They have two legs in back and fore legs in front.
(3) This makes a total of six legs, which certainly is an odd number of legs for a horse.
(4) But the only number that is both odd and even is infinity.
(5) Therefore, horses must have an infinite number of legs.
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Crymea says, "No tail, no sale."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."

[Crymea]

You slackers! Here's another one...

The Tiger:

Once, there was this tiger who, one morning, woke up and just felt great. He just felt so good, he went out, cornered a small monkey, and roared, "WHO IS THE MIGHTIEST OF ALL THE JUNGLE ANIMALS?"

The poor quaking little monkey replied, "You are of course, no one is mightier than you!"

A little while later the tiger confronted a deer, and bellowed, "WHO IS THE GREATEST AND STRONGEST OF ALL THE JUNGLE ANIMALS?"

The deer shook so hard it could barely speak, but managed to stammer, "Oh great tiger, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle!"

The tiger, feeling bold and enjoying his little roll, swaggered up to an elephant that was quietly munching on some weeds. He roared at the top of his voice, "WHO IS THE MIGHTIEST OF ALL THE ANIMALS IN THE JUNGLE?"

The elephant grabbed the tiger with his trunk, picked him up, slammed him down, picked him up again, and shook him until the tiger was just a blur of orange and black. Finally, the elephant threw him violently into a nearby tree. The tiger staggered to his feet, looked at the elephant, and said, "Man, just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so mad..."
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Crymea says, "No tail, no sale."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."

[kelci]

That was great







Rauri, I hope you were paying attention to the good jokes.
_________________
Kelci

[Argo]

The Curtain Rods
She spent the first day packing her belongings
into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and
collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time
at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight,
put on some soft background music, and feasted on a
pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of
Chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and
every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp
shells, dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the
curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend,
all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the
house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning
and mopping and airing the place out.

Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets
were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in to set off gas
canisters, during which they had to move out for a few
days, and in the end they even paid to replace
the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to
visit...

Repairmen refused to work in the house...

The maid quit...

Finally, they could not take the stench any
longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their
price in half, they could not find a buyer for their
stinky house. Word got out, and eventually, even the
local Realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money
from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things
were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house.

She listened politely, and said that she missed
her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce
her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the
house back. ..

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell
was, he agreed on price that was about 1/10th of what
the house had been worth...But only if she were to
sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within
the hour, his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later, the man and his new girlfriend
stood smirking as they watched the moving company pack
everything to take to their new home...
including the curtain rods.

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU??

[Rauri]

[Crymea]

I fully expect to hear the groans from just about wherever I am when you read this...

Have you heard about the man who didn't pay for his exorcism? He got re-possessed!
_________________
Crymea says, "No tail, no sale."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."

[Phinneas]

bah! lol
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Phinneas ~ Lord Protector ~ The Walkers of Vazaelle ~ My Magelo

[Crymea]

You know, I was talking to a friend of mine the other day, and we were discussing genetic splicing. One conundrum we came across was what would happen if someone were to mix the DNA of a male bovine and crocodile. After some thought, he told me what he thought it was, but in my opinion it was a croc'a'bull.

(I refuse to apologize for this one! I refuse!)
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Crymea says, "No tail, no sale."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."

[bandin]

This is an oldy at work, but I still get a chuckle out of it...

There are only 10 kinds of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't.
_________________
Bandin

These Linux guys never cease to amuse. Here is the timeout message from ftp:

421 Timeout - try typing a little faster next time

[Rauri]

What do you get when you cross a stream and a creek?

Wet feet.
_________________
Rauri Breathnach

Cleric of Brell

[kelci]

Frankly, I am rather disturbed that I actually understood Bandin's joke.

Oh, and /smack to Rauri & Ty
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Kelci