Rules to Enter Iowa

tenri · Member Joined: 15 Sep 2003 Posts: 939 Location: Chicago IL

Applies to each person as they enter Iowa. Learn & remember:
East Coast and California-types pay particular attention!

1. Pull up your droopy pants.
You look like an idiot.

2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road."
I drive a pickup truck because I want to.
No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

3. They are cattle & feed lots.
That's what they smell like to you.
They smell like money to us.
Get over it.
Don't like it?
I-80 goes east and west, I-35 goes north and south.
Pick one.

4. So you have a $60,000 car.
We're impressed.
We have $200,000 corn/bean combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

5. So every person in every pickup waves.
It's called being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of pheasants are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand.
You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

7. Yeah, we eat catfish.
You really want sushi & caviar?
It's available at the corner bait shop.

8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of pheasant season.
It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

9. We open doors for women.
This is applied to all women, regardless of age.

10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu.
Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Picante Sauce.
Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Malibu call that stuff you eat... It AIN’T REAL Maid-Rites !!
Maid-Rites were born and bred in Iowa .... and real Maid-Rites never met ground turkey!

12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

13. The "Hawkeyes", "Cyclones" and"Panthers" and High School Football are as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

14. Yeah, we have golf courses.
But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.

15. Colleges? Try Iowa City, Ames, Des Moines, Cedar Falls, Cedar Rapids, Mt. Vernon or abunch of other cities.
Students come out of here with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.

16. Our state is home to "The Big Three," so if you feel inclined to flip the bird to one of us in the state of Iowa, you'll get your happy, flabby eastern/California behind whipped by the best!

Always remember what Gen. Eisenhower once said:

"IOWA can make it without the United States ,
but the United States can't make it without IOWA."

got this from my mother inlaw Laughing

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Phinneas · Posted: Fri Feb 18, 2005 7:13 pm Post subject: Re: Rules to Enter Iowa

Whizbang Dustyboots · Posted: Fri Feb 18, 2005 10:01 pm Post subject:

What the heck is a Maid-Rite?
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tenri · Member Joined: 15 Sep 2003 Posts: 939 Location: Chicago IL

I had to ask my mother inlaw Whiz and this is what she told me LOL

Iowa Maid-Rites
I came up with my own version of Iowa MaidRites which
also are called 'loose meat' sandwiches. Very versatile,
leftover beef can be used for spaghetti or taco filling, or it
can be frozen for later use. Prep Time: approx. 30
Minutes. Cook Time: approx. 2 Hours . Ready in: approx. 2 Hours
30 Minutes. Makes 15 servings.
Printed from Allrecipes, Submitted by VADA61
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4 pounds ground beef
1 (1 ounce) envelope dry
onion soup mix
1 1/2 (10.5 ounce) cans
condensed French onion soup
16 hamburger buns, split

Directions
1 Crumble the ground beef into a large skillet over
medium-high heat. Cook and stir until evenly browned, crumbling
even more as it cooks. Drain off the grease. Stir in the
onion soup mix and French onion soup. Cover, and simmer over
low heat for about 2 hours, or you may transfer to a slow
cooker for this part.
2 To serve, spoon onto hamburger buns like a sloppy Joe.
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Tenri Death

Ya Ya i know shut up skinny necro boy Twisted Evil

Lillishiana · Member Joined: 30 Aug 2001 Posts: 997

I've been to Iowa and my friends mom couldnt stand it, she lived there for a few years. The day after 9-11 the headlines read... 3 Iowans killed in world trade center! She went to the grocery store and couldn't understand why the price of beef was so expensive.. i mean.. they have the MAJORITY of cows and it was cheeper to buy beef in Jersey. She asked the butcher and he shrugged, "I dont know, I'm from Iowa." Hense the catch phrase of her entire time living there. Not to bash on all Iowans however... at least the scenery was nicer than nebraska. And you have the Amana colonies.. mmmm.. beef jerkey.
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Jenny · Member Joined: 23 Mar 2004 Posts: 2916

Oh I see.
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tenri · Member Joined: 15 Sep 2003 Posts: 939 Location: Chicago IL

LMAO have visited the mother inlaw many times and have not bin to the Amana colonies yet Sad

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Tenri Death

Ya Ya i know shut up skinny necro boy Twisted Evil

Whizbang Dustyboots · Posted: Mon Feb 21, 2005 3:45 pm Post subject:

No one in Malibu knows what a loose meat sandwich is, and they'd think "Maid Rite" is a cleaning service.

Silly Iowans.

And I would laugh my butt off to see Iowa try and secede!

euotis · Posted: Mon Feb 21, 2005 3:55 pm Post subject:

Brother went to Drake. He came back all weird and stuff.
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Jenny · Member Joined: 23 Mar 2004 Posts: 2916

I get it. it came back all weird and stuff.
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euotis · Posted: Mon Feb 21, 2005 3:56 pm Post subject:

Jenny, get bent. Retard.
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Jenny · Member Joined: 23 Mar 2004 Posts: 2916

That kind of language does not appeal to me.
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Paven · Member Joined: 09 Aug 2003 Posts: 22

Yes I'm from Iowa.

Yes this is all true.

Add some mustard to your maid-rite.

Alot of you might know what it is better by the term sloppy-joe.

Pav
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Zahasha · Posted: Wed Jun 08, 2005 12:56 pm Post subject:

Ummm..
I LOVE fresh pan fried Cat fish!!!! Cool

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Neffretiri · Posted: Wed Jun 08, 2005 1:18 pm Post subject:

Yes I'm from Iowa and Maid-Rites are awesome. Even better if you add cheddar cheese soup and make them a Cheese-Rite. We have a Maid-Rite restaurant right up the street from my parent's house Ft. Dodge. I go every time I'm home which unfortunately is not as often as I'd like. And thanks for whoever bumped this - ya made me hungry Razz

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