Open mouth, insert foot.

brelenie1 · Member Joined: 15 Sep 2003 Posts: 425

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

Warning: Some of these might be offensive to some people. Smile

FIRST TESTIMONY:I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

THIRD TESTIMONY:My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my Sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY:While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me. "Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled, "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST TESTIMONY: This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....(a true story...) We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
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Elnrik Talshiar · Member Joined: 23 Jul 2003 Posts: 820 Location: Denver, CO

lol, thanks Brelenie. That was good.
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(AKA - Brent)

Magestica · Member Joined: 13 Jan 2004 Posts: 251 Location: Felwithe

That was sooo funny...I like that 8 inches thing. Laughing

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Mistress Magestica
Retired Lord Protector of Walkers

Shevik · Posted: Mon Sep 20, 2004 9:42 am Post subject: great stuff and it reminds me

I was with my friend in a department store with his 4 year-old son, who is also my godson. Dashiell (the 4-year old) was acting up and my friend scolded him (mildly). Dashiell threw himself on the ground, turned red, and started screaming. As people started to gawk, and the kid's screaming got louder, my friend looked at his son, then at me, and said "I suggest you control your child, sir!" and then turned and walked away as though he didnt know either of us.
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tenri · Member Joined: 15 Sep 2003 Posts: 939 Location: Chicago IL

The last on ewas the best i think thanks for a good laugh on monday morning Laughing

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Tenri Death

Ya Ya i know shut up skinny necro boy Twisted Evil

carmelle · Member Joined: 08 Nov 2003 Posts: 378

those are too funny, of course most sound like something i would slip up and say Embarassed

Thanks for sharing 'em
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Lovelyeye · Posted: Mon Sep 20, 2004 2:17 pm Post subject:

Hehehe Love has mad a few boo boo such as this . We hah a machine where I use to work that we put dental mirrors and picks in to be sealed . Well at the end of there was a wheel where the extra plastic would be fed on to so It would have be changed and removed. Well a guy I worked and myself was on that machine this day . Well I was removing the plastic and there was a pin that held the plastic on the wheel. Well I looked at him and said You hold it and i'll put it in .. Embarassed

Then to my totle embarssment he looks at me and starts cracking up and then I noticed what had came out of my mouth . All he says that is very kind of you and walks of laughing and about in tears.
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Marieann Soulrider Sorceress of Walkers

Lovelyeye Smith Lord Protector of Walkers

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritation and resentments slip away, and a sunny spirit takes their place. ~ Mark Twain~

Emmie · Posted: Mon Sep 20, 2004 4:54 pm Post subject:

Roflmao that's too funny, and Shevik that's just hilarious but I'm sorry your friend did that too you! LOL
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Jenny · Member Joined: 23 Mar 2004 Posts: 2916

I'm glad you find this amusing.
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"Enough about me, let's talk about my dress."

Aoineko · Member Joined: 17 Sep 2004 Posts: 57 Location: Hawaii

Thinking before opening my mouth... what a novel idea. There are so many incidents I cannot recall all of them but one at the moment.

So I used to work at an icecream shop with some (the orginal names anyway) racey names. They used to carry these little balls of icecream covered in cookie dough and those were called "Bite Me"s. One day a customer asked if I we had any cookie dough icecream and all I said was ,"Bite me." quite matter of factly. Thank god he had a sense of humor and it seriously could be traced back to the name on the board.

A misunderstanding but hey, we thought it was hilarious.... used to work in a video game shop and of course people would call and ask about this and that about certain games. Sharing the knowledge of the internet we sometimes directed them to gamefaqs.com. Well, apparently one customer misunderstood and called back saying, "Well, I'm at the site gamefaGs.com... altho I like what I see it isn't what I was looking for.". We couldn't stop laughing about it for a while....

Just remembered something EQ related... leaving names out to protect the innocent. Smile

so everyone knows the phrase "tooting your own horn", correct? I had wandered into that dwarven city off the great divide whose name competely escapes me at the moment and explored all the way up to the throne room without incident. Then, in all my wisdom I had wondered what was on top the "table" in the throne room... of course it isn't a table but a hole that goes straight down. The fall didn't kill me but the creatures down there did a pretty good job of it. I was at a complete loss about what to do when a kind necro decided to come summon my corpse from the bottom of the hole. I was sooo excited and kept on singing his praises but he was being so modest about it. So of course I emote /toots "innocent person's" horn. Yeah... that got a laugh from quite a few people.

Maybe this isn't amusing to anyone else but me? I always figured if there was a word in the dictionary for people who thought they were funny but weren't, my picture would be beside it as an example. Confused

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Love does NOT conquer all. Hard work, patience and understanding do. Love, if present, just make it look easier.

Jerzey · Member Joined: 18 Aug 2004 Posts: 35

that was great, thanks for the laugh!! Laughing

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A poet's pleasure is to withhold a little of her meaning; to intensify
by mystification. She unzips the veil from beauty but does not remove it.
--E. B. White

ZigonZagoff · Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2004 2:05 pm Post subject:

My turn to share a work incident. Me and this other guy were both in college learning electronics. We both worked in the stock room/parts department. One day a manager came down and started chewing us out for calling a couple ladies lesbians. Both of us were in shock because neither of us would use that kind of language on accident.

It turns out that the ladies misunderstood our use of a word. We used diagonal cutters, dikes, to cut twine. They overheard one of us asking where the dikes were. I learned that day that dike had an alternate meaning.

Jenny · Member Joined: 23 Mar 2004 Posts: 2916

Does everyone learn that day that dike had an alternate meaning?
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"Enough about me, let's talk about my dress."

Phinneas · Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2004 5:07 pm Post subject:

hehe funny
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Phinneas ~ Lord Protector ~ The Walkers of Vazaelle ~ My Magelo

BlueMan · Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2004 5:53 pm Post subject:

Nice one Shev. My family does things like that on purpose all the time. In fact I used to get into a lot of trouble at work because of things like that.

I was workin in a grocery store and my grandmother and mother came in. At different times. Somehow they managed to miss each other the whole time shopping. ( rather small store about 12 isles ) anyway they both come up to the registers at the same time. I was a bagger at the time. Yes I know "Bagger" get over it, lol. Anyway, my mother came up after my grandmother did and got behind her, un noticed. She is lookin all over my grandmother's cart. I knew something was up. Then she sais (rather loudly) "Hey old lady, get out my way." Uh oh, its on. My grandmother turns around and tosses a bag of those mini bagels at my mother. Tells her to screw off. This goes on back and forth for a little while. They were like 4th and 5th in line.

I decided to get in on the action. I say if you dont stay off the crack (pointing at my mother) and you dont stop smoking that pot ( pointing to my grandmother) I dont ever want to see you out in public ever again. And you both need to be commited to an institute. Well, they turned on me and it was me agains both of them. Finally Rick ( the store manager walks out and calls me to the side. Then all of a sudden my grandmother came to my rescue. My grandfather worked for Wonder Bread and delivered the stores bread and seh knew the owners and mngr's. Explaining what happened he let me off the hook.

This is some things we do to have fun. And they come out of nowhere!!!!
Some of you have had the pleasure of something like that coming from me Twisted Evil

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