Corporate Lesson #1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over
which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly
wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the
door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she could say a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that
towel that you have on." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops
her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob
hands her 800 dollars and leaves.
Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up
in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back to the
bathroom, her husband asks from the shower, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great!" the husband
says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to
credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position
to prevent avoidable exposure.
Corporate Lesson #2
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road. He
stopped and offered her a lift, which she accepted. She got in and
crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg.
The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling
the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him
and immediately said, Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself
to remove his hand. Changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg
again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
Once again the priest apologized, "Sorry, Sister, but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance
and went on her way. Upon his arrival at the church, the priest rushed
to retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129.
It Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might
miss a great opportunity.
Corporate Lesson #3
A sales representative, an administration clerk and the manager are
walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a
Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only
grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's
gone.
In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to
be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an
endless supply of pińˇ Scoladas, and the love of my life." Poof! He's
gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Corporate Lesson #4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit
saw the crow and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all
day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure, why not?"
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested. All of a
sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be
sitting very, very high up.
Corporate Lesson #5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to
the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him
enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
branch.
Finally, after a fourth night, there he was, proudly perched at the top
of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the
turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't
keep you there.
Corporate Lesson #6
In Africa, every morning a gazelle awakens knowing that it must outrun
the fastest lion if it wants to stay alive.
Every morning, a lion wakes up knowing it must run faster than the
slowest gazelle or it will starve to death.
Moral of the story: It makes no difference whether you are a gazelle or
a lion: When the sun comes up, you had better be hauling ass. |
